Easter.

Yesterday was Adrian's second Easter, the first where he was conscious enough to know what was going on. I think he had a pretty decent day. Mom and I took him to church in the morning, my grandmother's Baptist church that is now primarliy black. Call it racial profiling, but I truly expected a more energetic bunch. Whenever you see "black churches" on tv, people are singing and dancing and really getting into it. Not so at this church. Still, it was more animated than the old one, and that I appreciated.

Adrian was an absolute angel while we were there, sitting quitely for an hour and a half. I was shocked. I did let him get up for a bit and chase this little girl around. At one point he went up to where the reverend was and just stared up at him, this guy reminded me of the guy from The Green Mile and Adrian just looked so tiny next to him.

In a shocking twist, we ended up having Aunt Becky over for Easter dinner. She cried when my mom invited her, probably because she knows she's a bitch. The layers of my family are just too complex for me to understand sometimes, all the hate mixed with all the love, it's a headache.

I did decide yeaterday, though, that I think I may start taking my son to church. Probably one closer to my house. It's just a trial thing, I really don't know if it's for us or if I'll even like it, but I feel that I need spirituality in my life. Those crazy religious types may be onto something, saying they felt the call of God and all that good shit, because for some reason I feel the need to go. But did I mention when they preacher was preachin', I kept thinking about what it would be like to bang a man of God? How fucked up is that? That's just a side note though, that's not why I wanna go to church. I think going could actually help my marriage, even if Husband doesn't go. I could use a little morality.

Now to find which religion I am...Oh dear.

A Family Affair.

Family parties are definitely not what they used to be. Everyone came over on Saturday for my grandfather's birthday, and it was one drama after another. My dad was pissed off from the beginning, just mad that people were coming over; Aunt Becky had a stick up her ass for some reason or another (this is fairly common lately); My grandmother was mad at my unlce because he took her car and wouldn't bring it back (He's like 40 years old, still lives with her, and this is common as well; The list goes on. It's a bit sad, really, seeing as that growing up I had such a love for all these people. It's gotten to the point where I can barely stand them.

A lot of their drama comes from secrets and betrayals. For a family that portrays themselves as very together, very close, they have worked hard at fucking each other over. Several years ago, one aunt slept with another's husband. This has been well known for years, and no one seems to think it's that big of a deal. Every once in awhile someone makes a snarky comment about it, but other than that it's common fare. It's sad to see a family so at each other's throats, mostly because it's my family, and I grew up thinking that we were different than that.

So needless to say, I tried not to socialize too much. I mostly hung out in the kitchen, where the beer was. And thank God for the beer.

Starting Anew.

For years and years I've tried to keep a blog, only to get bored with it and discard it. So I'm making a mid-year resolution, I suppose, to keep this one. It's a drive due in big part to the fact that I'm a natural writer, I think things in my head the way they should be written down, and it's been eating at me that I can't seem to write anything anymore. I'm hoping that by actually blogging I'll develop whatever it is that I need to write again.

So, introductions, I'm 19. Married. A mother. And some days it's harder than I could have ever imagined. Not everyday, thank God. I'm getting itchy lately, starting to feel like the fairytale isn't gonna come true. And so, I'm learning the art of letting it go, as well as trying to improve my life and that of my family.

Sounds complicated and (a bit) boring? Well some days it is. But what can ya do?